ever have one of those days where everything was going just fine all day and then all of a sudden, you feel about as foul as you would getting on the redline at jackson and state? i had me one of them days today…
i woke up today already feeling a bit blah because my allergies kept me up for the better part of the night, but i went about my morning without any grief. got dressed…spent $36 on gas…went to my first class. class itself seemed a bit of a waste since all we did was watch “remember the titans”. i have no objections to watching movies in class, but it just seemed like a waste of two hours.
i guess i started getting a bit sour when i realized that this “group midterm” that i have coming up next week is going to be a complete disaster since my three other group members will be either out of town, working, or complaining that they only have one day off a week. lucky you…i literally have none.
i had to sit around for about an hour and a half before i drove to a different campus for my second class that starts at 7pm. so, i went upstairs and fiddled some more with my humanitarian service project cause on facebook. consequently, the computers were being obnoxiously slow, so i gave up at 4:30pm and decided to go to the cafe for some “lunch”…in other words, a clif bar and a red bull.
now, i have no objections to interacting with people, but when i have my ipod going and i’m reading a book while stuffing my face with soy-based snack foods and excessive amounts of taurine, i more or less intended on shutting out the world around me. i had these two guys who worked in the cafe come up and start chatting with me out of nowhere. once again, any other situation and i’d be flattered and interested…but yeah.
so i leave at 5pm to fight traffic and it takes me nearly an hour…whatever, that’s expected. i’m feeling fine and dandy, almost with a bit of a spring in my step and i get in the building, sit down in the lobby, and wait. i’m only waiting an hour and it’s passing surprisingly fast. my teacher comes up the stairs, i go in the room, sit down, make a quick phone call, and talk to two of the girls in my class who i find to be pretty cool.
class starts…down goes my mood. this is a strange occurrence, especially considering that this is teacher happens to be my mentor who i look up to in every way and genuinely enjoy his classes. today’s different and i don’t know why. maybe because the entire class discussion revolved around the structure of a speech…something i already know and have known since high school, but the horse’s carcass must continue to be flogged for the sake of other students’ understanding. maybe it’s the fact that i have no common ground to stand on with anyone in the class as i’m the only communications major and when questions are asked, i don’t want to dominate the class and seem like a know it all. so i sit…and i sit…and i play with the blinds and stare at my car out the window and wish class was over…this is unusual.
then we watched a video of a student from texas tech give quite possibly the most terrible speech i’ve ever seen. my teacher goes around the room and asks each of us what grade we would give her. most gave B’s and C’s…it’s my turn…i give her an F with the opportunity to do it over again for a new grade and i rationalize my reasoning. i could almost hear everyone’s thoughts…then again, maybe i’m just paranoid. he gives her a C…i feel like an asshole. not for the “grade” i gave her, but i feel like an asshole because i’m pretty sure that’s how everyone else is addressing me in their own thoughts…
class ends, i pack my stuff, and i need to talk to my teacher about some internship stuff…but i figure, it’s not the time or place, but i don’t want to put it off until next week and it’s not something i can email him about so now i’m between a rock and a hard place. i figured i’d forget it and just picked up and walked out. the entire ride home was unpleasant and slow for no reason other than people can’t read a damn speed limit sign and decide they’d like to go 35 in a 50 mph zone…got home and there you have it.
i think it’s just a matter of everything’s finally starting to catch up with me. i’m always tired…i hardly sleep not only because i work at 4am five days a week, but i’m so wound up and freaking out about all that needs to be done that i’m not able to enjoy anything anymore. i don’t want to let myself or the people that have guided me through everything down but the candle’s been burning furiously at both ends since january and the flames have almost met in the middle.
i don’t know how much longer i can do it…
