driven by guilt, not humility…

so it’s been a strange week to say the least. apparently, my PR professor is nominating me for an internship award…and once again, my own self-loathing is telling me i don’t deserve it. i don’t feel like i’ve been here long enough to deserve it. obviously a nomination doesn’t mean i’m going to get it – i’d probably die of shock if i DID get it – but i appreciate it nonetheless.

to be honest, it’s one of those things that i want and don’t want at the same time. sure, i bust my ass at my work and i’d most definitely like to be acknowledged for it. on the other hand, it’s one of those things that even if i don’t get the award, i’ll still receive recognition and my name will be out there for what i’ve done. to be honest, i don’t want anyone to know i was even at this institution to begin with…anyone i know at least. like i said a few posts ago, there’s a serious sense of failure i carry around with me at this place. i’ve met some incredible people in the process, but it almost hurts being here even though i’m almost done with my eighteen credits.

and in the same breath, i’ll tell you that i don’t want to leave it…my mind tends to talk out of both sides of it’s mouth…well, if it had one.

all in all, i appreciate the nomination…i’ve given my PR professor a lot of crap the past month or so and i wouldn’t blame him if he was looking forward to just washing his hands of my annoying ticks and complaints. the guy’s stuck his neck out for me more than he’s needed and i just hope someday he gets the recognition he deserves…

besides all that, i’ve got two gigs lined up (one’s already next weekend)…i’m excited but sort of anxious since i haven’t had a show in almost a year for the sake of time and getting my head out of my ass. i’m almost done with my internship…closer to being done than i thought. i’ve only got two weeks left and it still feels like i just got there and that i’ve accomplished less than i’d set out to. it’s been great though. everything’s almost over when it still feels like it’s just begun…

honestly, i’m terrified…i don’t know if i’m ready for it to be all over. i’m afraid i’m actually going to miss all of it; i do already. i’m wondering if i’ve really grown up enough for it.

oh well…i got new glasses, so at least i’ll look the part.

where the light is…

even though they’re songs i’ve already heard a million times over, john mayer’s “new” live album, “where the light is” is by far some of his best work to date. i bought the album less than an hour ago and it’s by far the best live work i’ve ever heard.

gravity is even more heart-wrenching…more haunting…and ballsier than ever before. john’s virtuosity with this track has certainly come a long way since the debut of JM3 live at house of blues here in chicago a few years back. whipping out the old ray charles classic, “i don’t need no doctor” is even better than when john did it with scofield not so long ago…it’s as raw as ray could ever make it himself. a great infusion of blues, funk, and jazz combined in a wonderful blend that is characteristic to JM3 alone.

the biggest treat for me is on disc one…from a song that every [guitar-slinging] john mayer fan hates…”daughters” shines through as one of the tasty little surprises you’ll find. opening with rural blues-style slide work, it’s the same classic track with a deeper meaning provided by a new layer of subtle and tasteful slide fills throughout.

in essence, i thought it was impossible for mayer to make these songs anymore ingenious than they already were…i was wrong.

now if you’ll excuse me…i’ve got to sink my chops into this one on my strat for myself. it’s too brilliant to let the moment pass.